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Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Kids and the sneaky sh*t they do....literally!

So yesterday as I am doing my Ripped in 30, the kiddos went out back to play.  This happens most nights/days, when it is nice out.  We have a fenced in backyard and the kids know the rules.  YOU MUST STAY IN THE BACKYARD!!!  I check on them as I am doing high knees or any other move, I can do on the  I checked on them twice, and all was well.  They also came inside twice, to get drinks.  I guess I should have known something was up, when they both couldn't stop giggling.  Here I was being a naive mom, thinking, "isn't that so sweet, they are getting along". Little did I know, they were up to no good.   And by no good, I mean NO GOOD!  Like omg what the heck were they thinking, no good. 

Before I tell you what they did, let me go back a bit.  We are in the process of getting our house all ready to sell, when we decide where we are moving to.  We want to move to Florida, by the end of 2013/2014 school year.  We have replaced the carpeting, painted, redone the bathroom (minus the floor that Ray has yet to finish) and we have also remodeled the kitchen.  Next step is painting the front porch and getting all the shit in the basement, thrown away.  If you went down there now, I swear you would turn me in for being a hoarder.  Apparently I had issues with throwing ANY box away.  I mean I have boxes down there, from my baby shower with Drew.  Ummm.....he is 8.  SO yeah, I have issues.  BUT....we have started tearing down all the boxes, to take to recycle.  We have also bagged up a ton of stuff, to give away.  We are a work in progress, but it's getting there. Every weekend, before we do anything fun, a household project, MUST be completed.  Sunday was cleaning out our glassware.

Ok so with this remodeling has come stuff, other than basement crap, that has yet to be trashed.  One being the toilet.  Do you see where I am going with this.  Yep, my lovely little Olivia proceeded to take a poop in the toilet, that is sitting on our side porch!!! Oh and she topped it off with pee!  The toilet is there, so we have an easier time, getting it to the dumpster we are renting.  It is hidden, so we don't look to trashy!!  But seriously, wtf do you do with a toilet.  I was not about to haul it downstairs.  THANK GOD, I didn't she would most likely go down there to do her business.  And here I thought boys were the ones that go potty outside.  I never thought my sweet little girl, dressed in a sequined tank top and leggings with gold flip flops, would proceed to take a dump, in the backyard!!  To say I was pissed, is an understatement.  They both got sent to their rooms, for a very long time.  I will admit, I did laugh, when they were not around.  I mean it was just something I NEVER thought they would do.  And I pray the neighbor did not see.  I was the lucky one that had to go out there with bleach wipes to clean it up.  That right there, earned me a glass of wine.  When we asked her why she did it, she really had no answer.  I guess to a six year old, a toilet is a toilet.  I know how it is when you don't want to stop playing, just to go inside and potty.


 I tell you what, don't ever say, "my kid would never do that", to anything.  Kids are kids and they will do just about anything.  Ray and I are pretty strict.  We are huge sticklers with manners and respect for others.  We are also parents that are with our kids A LOT.  We love doing stuff as a family. But I also know, that my kids are not perfect and they are going to do shit that I never ever thought they would.  Lord knows I did stuff that shocked the hell out of my parents.  Like the time I gave my older sister perfume instead of water, to drink.  I guess I was really mad at her!  And there is that one time when I took an entire bottle of baby aspirin because I was jealous that my sister got lots of attention for being sick.  That ended up with me in the ER drinking what I "thought" was orange soda.  HA!  That stuff made me projectile vomit.  Oh and after I took the aspirin, I also locked myself in my room.  I was 4....

Lord knows what this summer has in store!!  My beautiful niece, Alex is watching the kids at my house, for 3 weeks.  So goodness knows what those 2 turds of mine, will be up to.  Thank God I have a sense of humor and no matter what, we never stay mad, at my house.  We chalk all that crap up to a life lesson.  Last night's lesson, never ever poop outside!! Even if there is a toilet calling your name. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Anybody else have a "I can't believe they did that" kid story???  If you do, feel free to share.  I would LOVE to hear it! :)


















  1. Oh my gosh, that is hilarious! You know, because it happened to you and not me. ;) JK! I can totally see that happening to me. I had an incident when Cordie was 3 and Paige was about 9 or 10 months old. I was in the kitchen fixing dinner and noticed that things had gotten quiet. When I went to check on the girls, I discovered that Cordie had emptied an entire bottle of baby powder all over her room and all over Paige! My poor little chubster was just sitting there covered in powder. Of course, I took a picture first then cleaned her up. That was a fun mess!

  2. I am dying. You poor thing!

  3. DYING!!!! I can't count how many times I said, "Oh my Gawwwd"!!!

  4. It's pretty funny except for you having to clean that crap up.

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  8. i have a funny one,this is like 30 something years ago.i was 3 or 4 and a chain had broken off a toy and before my mom could grab it from me i shoved it up my nose.why i did that i dont was way up there too.she took me to the doctor and he got it out with tweezers.

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  10. Random weirdo comments on your post...

    Anyway your story is HILARIOUS! I have two boys (5 and 3) so we get some crazy stuff here too. Like you we hang with our kids all the time and are way stricter than anyone else we know....

    My oldest is our "angel" and our youngest is a "challenge." Last week was the first week of preschool for the youngest and summer academy for oldest (he went to the same preschool for 2 years so they know that he is an angel). The first 2 days of school my oldest missed 2nd recess because he was in TROUBLE all youngest??? They think he is an angel has yet to do a thing wrong, helps constantly, is polite and always waits his turn....My oldest tells me Friday that he isn't sure what is going on...that they must have been body swapped...whatever the hell that is! They make me nuts, but life sure is intresting with them around!

  11. Oh my god!!! Im laughing so hard right now!! That's awesome!! Hard not to lau at it, although I'd be pissed when it happene too!! Hahaha!

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  13. Ha ha my kids would totally do that which scares me because random thing is we just replaced out toilet so our old one is in the garage till garbage day. I guess I'll have to remind them. Lol thanks for sharing

  14. In a related type of story, my son pooped in the backyard once. He pooped in the area that was designated the "dog" poo area, at least, but it was def one of those times I couldn't believe he did it!

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