That one pic that makes you go....OMG

So this weekend, Liv lost her darn iPod touch, so I spent an hour and a half, searching high and low, for it.  As the search went on, I found this pic.

This pic was an eye opener.  I am going to be real honest with you, I had NO idea, I was that big.  This pic was taken on my 19th birthday.  I was in a very abusive marriage and this is proof, that I used food to comfort myself.  Food didn't tell me I was f*cking fat and ugly or "embarrassing" to be around.  BUT...it did make me unhealthy.  I won't say being overweight made me unhappy and miserable, it didn't.  Even though I was in an abusive relationship, I still got plenty of love from my family.  I was still a funny, loving and loyal person. 
At this point in my life, I really didn't have any friends left, I isolated myself from them.  I was so ashamed of the life I was living.  And by that I mean, the marriage I was in, not my weight.  Plus, I had run into a few "friends" from high school at college and they said some pretty harsh things, thinking I couldn't hear them.  Well I did, and it just made me eat more.  Today when I am down, I workout.  So funny how that has changed.  Exercise makes me feel better, physically AND mentally.  I have said this before, but it is the best anti-depressant out there!! AND...it's FREE!!!  Another thing I notice, when I look at this pic, is how far my thighs have come.  From this point on, I am no longer going to bitch about my saggy skinned thighs, that have cellulite!  NOPE, they are OK, just the way they are.  That saggy skin came from a lot of blood, sweat and tears.  Same with my stretch marks, I am embracing them.  Self bullying is an awful thing.  What we don't realize is that it keeps us, from achieving our goals.  When you tell yourself over and over, how much you hate this or hate that, about yourself, you start to think you can't "improve" them.  BUT...you can!  You just have to think positive and focus only on the "likes".  When you do this, you start to see some pretty amazing things.  Like I see pretty blue eyes, some pretty nice shoulders, my height and my thin hands.  When I look at my thighs, I may not see all the definition I have, but I FEEL it.  I feel my hard work, paying off.  So remember, just because you can't "see" it, it is happening.  Like when you get on the scale and it doesn't move for months, but you are down a clothes size or two, this is what you need to focus on. 

This next picture, is very blurry and I am sorry for that.  BUT...it is a defining picture for me.  In this pic, I don't fit on the chair.  But 22 years later, I do.  See I have this kitchen table and chairs in my house. And the reason I can, is because I NEVER gave up on myself.  I did doubt myself, too many times to count, but I never gave up.  I have made  it work.  I pack my breakfast and lunch every day, along with healthy snacks and I workout 5-6 days a week.   I don't drink shakes, take supplements or pop "magic" pills.  I also don't spend hours, working out.  I spend a max of 35 minutes working out.  AND...I do my workouts in my bedroom on a tiny TV from the 90's!  And let's not forget I do this after working a full day, with 2 kids at home.  So quit making excuses.  If I can workout with my kids, yelling at each other, running right in front of me, so can you.  My kids are 6 3/4 and 8, they are BEYOND ACTIVE, but I still make it work. 

There have been days when I thought I should stop my blog and IG.  I think sometimes, when followers, "unfollow" me, that I am just annoying.  For that I am sorry.  But then I see a pic like this, a pic that is PROOF, that significant weight loss is possible and it's possible without a fad diet or gym membership.  It is also possible to do it at any age.    I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason.  I know I was heavy, for a reason.  I know I found this pic, for a reason.  I think it will give someone that is struggling, hope and motivation.  They will see me at 250++ and then me at 155, and go OK, "If she can do it, I can do it".  I also hope people see my after pics and go, "OK, you don't have to weigh 120 pounds to be fit". 

 

Remember, focus on what you like, it will one day be something you love, about yourself.  Stop self-bullying, it is just sabotaging your success. It's like the little engine that could, keep telling yourself, "I think I can, I think I can"....and you will.

 

                                                                  XO,

                                                                  Lori